i have so much to say, i just dont know how. i dont even know if its something i want said out-loud because once it's said, there is no taking it back. but then it would be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders; a relief that i dont have to carry that around anymore. and atlest you'd know how i feel. i just dont want to seem too full on, that i've said how i really feel. but i know that what i have to say will change things. i know what the end result will be and i've played in my head this end result over and over again and it scares me. i'd rather keep it to myself than say what i think needs saying. i need to keep reserved, but this thing is eating away at me. i've tried writing it down, in hope that helps; and it did... for a while.
i find nights the worst because that its where i do most of my thinking. waking up this morning wasnt overly bad because i didnt think too much about it. but now it is getting to me. it worries me that this may effect everything.
i just have to get over it i guess.
some things are just better left unsaid.