Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Camshep, Phebz, Sammy, family and my car are the only people (and things) that i truly care about. These people (and things) make me the happiest, laugh the loudest and appreciate life more than anyone (or thing) else.
I cant handle my life without them!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Friday, August 20, 2010

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Im lucky to be in love with my best friend, the onlyn person i trust 150% and can feel most comfortable with, to make me happy and make me smile and make me feel so special. I didnt think it was possible to love someone so much, and to watch and feel the love grow with every kiss and smile.
Because i'd rather tell you this then put pen to paper.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I've been too busy living my life, loving my life, enjoying my life to blog even about living, loving and enjoying what i've been doing.
Great friends, amazing family, perfect boyfriend; what more could i ask for?
I'm just really lucky i guess =)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sammy is the real life Samantha Jones and it is something that we all love about her!! We have sat next to eachother on the school bus for seven years (give or take) we have watched eachother grow, experience break ups and make ups, share secrets and our love for Miley Cyrus and cookie jars ;)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

i have loved these holidays due to having my license.
i dont want them to end!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I just love Phebz and our lunch dates; struggling to make Betty Beast go up a huge hill, getting rat shavings and enjoying a beautiful lunch; just makes my holidays!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I dont want these holidays to end. It feels wierd to not be in at lest 20 metres of you. I never thought that i would get sick of you gorgeous and i still havent. But being away from you, the perfect being that you are, makes me love and appreciate you more.
I would love to see Amy Meredith, Kings Of Leon, LMFAO, Calvin Harris, The Sundance Kids, Angus and Julia Stone, Shwayze and Gyroscope (among other bands) play at the 2011 Big Day Out.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Year 11 hits you like a tonne of bricks. Some people may find it an easy adjustment while others, much like myself, find it a real struggle to keep up with the demands of each subject. When exams come around, dont wait to the last minute. Plan and prepare as soon as you get the nofitication for the exam or assignment. If you struggle, talk to you teacher for extra help. But if youre like me and hate asking for help, then you will stress and panic and pretty much fail.
With so much running through my head for this stupid English essay, it is really hard to start. What do i talk about? For how long do i talk about "it" (whatever "it" may be) for? Should i write the essay or dot point what i would say? It is a real overload. And thinking about if i should talk about the cinematic techniques distracts me from what i should write on the themes and ideas. And whilst worrying about the themes and ideas, i have seriously forgotten what the values of each text are.
Why be writting this if i am so underprepared and stressed out to the max?? Since i look cool, calm and collected on the outside?? Im basically just writting down what is in my head; my messed up, confused, exhausted head. Changing topic and ideas mid sentence and trying to destress myself.
But then again i guess i brought it upon myself. I dont really have anyone else to blame but myself. And blaming myself seems alot easier then finding someone else to blame.
I dont know, i really dont.

This song has been in my head all week!
I love it to pieces!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Alison Fenwick and i are under an umbrella whilst enjoying the sun at lunch time with Sammi and Pheebz arguing about why Pheebz should release her plaits or not. Jess said i should put a gold ring on my eye and my sty will go away. I want to go home and slaa-eeeep.

Saturday, June 26, 2010


Camshep and i like to act like complete retards, singing and dancing whilst driving, quoting quotes from movies, talking in own own language, being sadie and tobie (because bernie is a shit name), cooking dinner, dancing silly dances, agreeing to disagree and planning to dominate the world.
We fit eachother 'like a glove-ah'

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I hate how i wake up believing my dreams were'nt dreams and actually happened. Like last night i dreamed i had to work at Charlestown as they were short staffed, but it rained inside the store so i went home, but got a call saying my break was over and to come back.. I woke up thinking 'jeeze, i hope i dont get fired!'.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I wonder if the way you see yourself is the same as others see? And do guys notice the things girls notice on other girls? I dont think so. I think some people either see themselves are too good or not good enough, with other people thinking that too.
And when you loolk down on yourself (as in looking at your toes), is it the same as someone looking at you? Do they see differently from what you see? And is what they see better or worse then what you see yourself?

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Memories from my childhood;
*Age 2, ate a magnet and was rushed to hospital, only for it to 'pass' through my body.
*Age 2, drove down the drive way; cleverly escaped from my baby seat, climbed to the drivers seat and knocked the handbreak.
*Age 4, told my preschool teacher my new baby sisters name was 'Ariel' and they believed me. I loved 'The Little Mermaide'!
*Age 4, hiding in the boot of mums car because i didnt want her to go to work.
*Age 5, called 000 on pop because i had to go to bed.
*Age 6, Seals Rocks; put edyn up 'for sale'.
*Age 7, ate my boogers and got in trouble from Mrs. Elbourne.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

really disapointed. always knew getting my hopes up was a selfish thing. the most you want something, the more it wont happen.
I hate that it is a minority of P platers that just ruin it for everyone else and give us a bad name. Today my three young cousins were run over by a P plater who decided to run a red light and hit them as they were safely (or so they thought) crossing the road. For God sakes!! Getting your license is so hard to gain but so easy to lose. So many idiots who think speeding is fun and cool, seriously fuckwitts; grow a decent pair and slow down even when the dickheads in the back are telling you to speed up. And it isnt a matter of if you will get caught, more like when because you will.
And as i said, it is just a minority of idiots who give the rest of us a bad name. If anything we should be know as the best drivers on the roads because of our fresh and up to date knowledge.
It really grinds my gears, when people class P platers as reckless and blame us for every wrong thing on the road. Sadly they are right, for some part.
So slow down or walk.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

love all, trust few, do wrong to none; William Shakespear.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

distant, seperated, disconnected.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Wedding Sone, Angus and Julia Stone

We are gonna build a life together
You and I for ever and ever
And we'll, we'll make babies on the beach
Under the stardust
And I'll hear your voice come through the door
A thousand times, maybe more
And I'll smile inside to know you're mine
Completely

Do you know how lovely you are?
In the starlight, in the starlight of my heart
Do you know how lovely you are?
In the moonlight, in the moonlight of my heart

We're gonna build a home together
You and I for ever and ever
And we'll, we'll make babies on a beach
Under the stardust
And I'll hear your voice come through the door
A thousand times, maybe more
And I'll smile inside to know you're mine
Completely

And I'll wind up every day
Thinking about the way you make me feel
When your lips touch my lips
And I'd crawl inside a cave
Or live somewhere strange
As long as I'm with you
I have got what I need

We are gonna build a life together
You and I for ever and ever
And we'll, we'll make babies on the beach
Under the stardust
And I'll hear your voice come through the door
A thousand times, maybe more
And I'll smile inside to know you're mine
Completely mine
After today i've decided that i want to get married at the Hunter Valley Gardens and have my reception at Hunter Valley Crowne Plaza.

Monday, June 7, 2010

You truly 'get' me, understand, accept and believe in me like no one else does. I trust you more than all others and love the Gemini in you. I am convinced that you have a big book that has all the cute and romantic things that girls love to hear. Its either that or you just have a natural way with words. I live for it, i love it and i certainly can't get enough of all the things you say to me. It makes me feel so unique and special and loved but most importantly wanted; i love to feel like im wanted. But it scares me that you know that and it scares me how you are so clever with words. I dont want you to get into a rut with your words because the originality of your words is something i live for. Its allowed to say it all if you mean it all. Dont say if the intentions arent true. But i know your deepest thought and intentions and they are all honest and true. I love how i am so in love with you.

Friday, June 4, 2010



I love this song. It has broadened my love for John Mayer.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

''Tay, i just fed the dogs some water but they didnt eat any''; well Edyn, i can see why they didnt eat the water because its impossible.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I finally know what direction my life is heading and i couldn't be more happier with it. I want to be a primary school teacher and later on in life aim to teach children with disabilities. I want to travel and make the most of my life, going to as many countries as posible. What i was scared of mostly was being alone and going through life by myself, once saying that i would be the lady with 27 cats (dispite my dislike for the animal). But now i know that thought is in the back of my mind because i wont be the lady with 27 cats. I'll be the lady with a big house filled with kiddies and the happiness they will bring. And love. My life is and will be filled with love, which is the most important thing to me.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Think of the last person you texted; who is it and are they important to you?
cam shep, and only the most important.

Does the last person you held hands with mean something to you?
ohh, just a bit =)

What are you doing later on?
sla-eeepin'.

Do you believe there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay?
not ever!!

How's your heart?
strong.

Was the first person to text you today a boy or a girl?
boy

Name something you have to do tonight?
sleep.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
not at the momento

Do you know anyone that's married?
a lot of people

Where are you going to be at 4:00 tomorrow?
finishing from the gym

How many things in your past do you regret?
im sure there is a few, but our mistakes shape out present and our future

Do you talk to the person you have a thing for?
yessssssss

How good is your eyesight?
i eat my carrots

What was the last thing you drank?
water

Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?
yes

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
targe'

When your friend is telling you all of their problems - do you truly care?
of course

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
never

Have you lost friends in the past 3 years?
lost? no. figured out my true friends? yes.

Honestly, are you dating 2 people?
camshep and steve ;0

Have you ever broken someone's heart?
not that i am aware of

What's on your mind?
im the shit

If you had to choose between a million dollars or be able to change a regret?
money honey

What is the best month of the year?
september. not too hot, not too cold... juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust nice

Have you ever kissed someone with a tattoo?
no

Do you believe in karma?
i do

What is mom saved as on your phone?
i dont have a "mom".

Who was the last person to look at you like you were crazy?
camshep

Have you cried today?
terry

Are you tired?
little

Has anyone told you they don't wanna ever lose you?
yes

Did you enjoy your last hug?
like always

Is sex the most important thing in a relationship?
no way

Where were you today at 10:00?
with edyn

Have you held hands with somebody in the past week?
yes =)
Underbelly... I love you.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Ruby Gettinger



I truly admire this woman. She has overcome a lot of hurdles and challenges in her life and the way she continues to come out from the other end with a happy smile and positive attitude makes her even more inspiring. What i love most about about Ruby is her bubbly personality and her ability to make anybody laugh, even my dad which says a lot. Her weight is something that doesnt bother me but the way she stays positive every step of the way and keeps on fighting and fighting her demons demonstrates for me that all it takes to overcome your own personal demons, whatever they may be, the secret it just a positve attitude and a postive mindset.
Ruby continues to be a big influence in my life and is my role model.

Monday, May 24, 2010

One Word


Camshep (one word) is my inspiration and the one person which whom i admire and look up to most.
As much as i want to talk about Camshep all day, everyday, discuss the cute things he says and does, the way he pouts his lips when he's sad which means he is requesting a kiss and a cuddle, or the way he lets be be the little spoon everytime even though he sometimes likes to be cuddled, i dont because i dont want people to find out how truly amazing, wonderful, and gorgeous he is because then they will fall truly, madly and deeply in love with him too.
I tell Pheebz a bit... Actually, i tell her alot. Our relationship has no emotional connection, no fighting, no drama and thats exactly what we both like.
I confide in her a lot because A) she tells me the dead set honest truth in what she thinks and B) i trust her very much. I secretly love her and although she shows hatred towards me, i know she secretly loves me too. I am a pain to her 99.9963% of the time but she puts up with it because she is Pheebz and it's what she does.
Pheebz; i hate you in a very loving way =)

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Busy Bodies

I cant believe how busy and full on the past month has been!
So full on with family, friends, work, school exams and Cam but i wouldnt have it any other way, sadly i've let my blog slip to back of the room but that will change!
With the hectic past weeks i've realised what and who are really important to me and what/who i should focus my positive energy on, and what aspects of my life that need changing. I want to surround myself with people that have similar opinions and outlooks like i do. I really want to focus a lot more on school and save as much money as i can for all the exciting things that Cam and i have planned (God, he is the deffinition of perfect, amazing, gorgeous etc!!)
Even though life has its ups and downs, i know that it will always work out in the end with a positive attitude and positive people.

Monday, May 3, 2010

STD

stiff tits disorder says phoebe :)

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My life, like anybody elses, has had its high and low points. The lows feeling like there is no way out and the highs being sky high. At the moment my life is so content that im begining to become scared. Because everything is so perfect and going so well that im frightened that something is going to come crashing down. And if for some reason my world does come crashing down, i know i have the capabilities to pick myself up. It is safe to say that all elements in my life are so balanced, and i love it.
Wish List
1.Holiday
2.SLR Camera
3.Car stereo
4.Bed spread
5.Ring
6.Photo board
sammy and i were discussing today how it'd be nice to be gifted spontaneously with a diamond ring... Not 'the' diamond ring, but 'a' diamond ring would be nice.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

it really sucks when you want to treat someone with a really nice gesture and just get kicked in the face. It sucks how in life you have to please everybody. It sucks how you keep your head held high, trying to protect the world from your true feelings because you dont want to worry or put other people out.
Im a person who strongly follows the "treat others how you want to be treated". And i know that quote can be taken many ways, and it is what mum tells me when Tysen and i fight, but i take it as it is; simple. It isn't hard to do nice things for people or go out of your way to see somebody smile. And although you ask for nothing in return, you still expect it. It is nice to recieve from time to time after giving. And what also sucks is having to defend yourself to people who you think have your back no matter what. What sucks is feeling so shit for trying to do something nice.
But am the type of person who will go out of their way to make somebody happy and feel special, and to also be original. But sometimes i think "why bother?". Is it worth it? Sometimes i think "what is the point? Time and Time again with different people and different types of people you try and do nice things and you still get the same result".
Does it mean i should just stop trying, or keep trying because one day...one day you will get the outcome you so desperately want.
I dont know. I dont know about a lot of things anymore, but on thing i know is that i will no longer put myself out there again to do something nice for people, even those you know and love because you never know the shit people can throw back in your face...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

MUST WATCH!
found this sooo funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI
dont you just love corny, try hard, "in love with themselves" 12 year old girls attemping to be Ke$ha?
(love love this song though)
I am finding out about the concepts of time;
*Time can not be gained, but can be lost or shortened.
Time can be fast or slow, long or short.
*Time can be rightfully and wrongfully taken advanage of for any reasons.
*Time is so special and precious that every moment in time should be cherished.
*Time can test your patience, your wit, your strengths and your weaknesses.
*Time is a bitch.
*Time has a love/hate relationship with everyone.
*Time is something our lives are created on. "Our" time here, on Earth, is to find who we are, who we want to be and who we should chose spend our time with.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

i love doing cute suprises for people, especially those who really deserve a bit of recognition for the great things they do =)

two of my favorite people in the whole world =)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

My horoscope today said;
" As an Aries, you're most vulnerable when it comes to the people you're choosing to hang out with. If you suspect that one of the groups you're in is doing you more harm than good, then it might be time to move away. The good news; some of the people in your crowd are nothing short of inspirational, so it's time to gravitate towards them and ditch the suss ones! ".
Wierd because it is pretty true!!

I like horoscopes and have always wondered if i was a true Aries because mum has always said i was. This is what i found;
Aries are fire signs and those born under this element are regarded in astrology as adventurous, active and outgoing. Aries is a uniquely naive sign. Although they are independent, bossy, outgoing and assertive they are also surprisingly trusting, take things to heart and can often innocently walking into the lion's den at times. No matter what upheaval, challenge or triumph they confront - an Aries has a wonderful ability to bounce back. No matter where an Aries child comes in your family, they will always be a ‘first born’. Their faith in life and the future remains untouched by hardship. Their gift is that they are always children at heart and the world is always a magical place for them. Aries creates some of the most interesting women in the world, women who are adventurous, independent and have competitive natures.

It Takes Skill


Possibly my most prized photo.
I think im clever =)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

People Always Leave

Yet again i feel like i have failed. That feeling of not feeling good enough for people seems to like my company as it returns every now and then to remind myself of how bad i can really feel. The only thing i wanted was for the past not to repeat itself. New relationship, new rules, and the most important; no more lost friendships. But i guess sometimes the things we dont want or expect happen. A prime example of how life can be. The people that you once trusted, respected and loved most in the world just leave.
People always leave..
Even though this time it's not my fault, even though this time i know that i tried my hardest and put in the effort when said persons clearly didn't, i still blame myself for the death of this friendship. I will always blame myself for everything, even when i know it wasnt my fault. I blame myself for the simple reason that i could have done something. Something to stop or change what was happening. Stop or change you from walking away like alot of people have done in the past year. But what is most upsetting is that one; i didnt expect the people to leave, to ever leave and two; how come? How come im not good enough for you to stay? How come im not good enough for you to try and put the time and effort into our friendship? How come im not important to you?
These are a few questions that circle my mind. I just want to know why im not good enough. I just want to know why my efforts have failed again. And you may think that its all okay, but it's not. And you may think that this friendship is good, but it's not. And you may think you're in the right, but you're wrong. You didnt try, i did.
But these people (who shall remain nameless) have made me realise what true friendship is and who my true friends are. They have made me respect and cherish my true friendships a whole lot more and to not take them for granted.
I may have lost a few people (many of those people who are insignificant to me) but i have also gained and made my true friendships stronger.

Monday, March 29, 2010



we are a perfect fit =)
i love you bubba

Friday, March 26, 2010

I love being put on loud speaker and having a conversation with both Cam and Al =D
Ashlee Watkins said yesterday;
GREAT PRESENT IDEAS!
*Flowers?
*Chocolates?
*Promises you dont intend to keep??

Loveeeeeed it!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

How could i stand here with you, and not be moved by you?

Photobucket

Monday, March 22, 2010

I feel like going on a picnic. A typical "ham sandwiches, cake, fruit salad, rug and basket" picnic with a traditional picnic cane basket and shady trees; the whole nine yards.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

the "good things".

The next up coming weeks are going to be amazing!! Starting off with my 17th birthday, which i am secretly excited for. Then the school holidays, camping, going to Sydney, hopefully getting my license and just the general "good stuff". Alot of things that seem small to some people, are big and meaningful to me. I love the little things in life; the "good things". I love driving with the windows down and the music blaring, i love the feeling of the sand between my toes and the look of the ocean, the sunrise and sunsets that are soo beautiful, i love pretending to be a pro sketch artist and photographer. And most importantly, i just love love =)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

lifehouse; best band to listen to when you arent in the happiest of moods.
Also, crushing on them more than i crushed on 'Barbie Girl'.
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens"
Kahlil Gibran.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

when i was a myspace junkie, i used to do surveys all the time.


Are you by any means broken?
not at all, although it just reminded me of the song "broken" by lifehouse

Do you believe in astrology and horoscopes?
I do

Are you good at hiding your feelings when you are upset about something?
i am, i do it all the time.

Are you one of those people who constantly updates their status?
no thanks jo

When are caps really necessary?
caps as in hats or caps as in capslock?
hats, when it is sunny
capslock, when you want to get your point across or feel like yelling via internent

Are you one of those people who answer surveys with an attitude?
i like surveys =)
cures boredum

You know, you should stop that, right?
yes.... i should?

Are you Irish in any way?
only when i want to be

Would you like a hamburger?
im more of a cheeseburger person

And perhaps, maybe, some fries with that?
yes, so i can put some chips on my cheese burger... you know me too well =)

Don't brunettes have fun too?
i was one once... the fun was the same

So, uh, how's your back been lately?
well, uh, pretty good thanks

Do you know how to sign your name in sign language?
i can spell it out in sign language, but not very well

What is/was the hardest thing to learn in Algebra?
i dont carry on maths anymore =)

Quote a favorite movie here:
"no one puts baby in a corner'!!!!!!!!!

Do you know what the longest word in the English language is?
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (is a lung disease caused by inhailing dust..... thankyou google =)

Are you excited to see anyone?
of course =)

Has anyone ever talked about you right beside you?
cant say that has every happened, no

What song are you loving right now?
everything by lifehouse and up up and away by kid cudi

What are you looking forward to in the next few days?
movies with Hanfan and sleepover at Mandys house =)

Do you find it hard to make eye contact with certain people?
nope, easy as

Do you lie about being happy to someone who made you upset?
yes.

Is there anything you need to admit to someone?
nope

Are you good with pronouncing complicated last names?
i wouldnt say im pro, but deffinately up there

Do you know anyone with diabetes personally?
i do

Doesn't slow internet bother you?
sometimes

Do you like the attention on you at all times?
not really

Do you like orange soda?
creaming soda =)

Would you ever consider going to Germany? (If you haven't been already..)
Germany wouldnt be at the top of my list

Do you miss someone right now? What's their name?
cam shep

Do you read websites like MLIA and FML?
FML!

Do you chew gum a lot?
sammy and kate are my suppliers in that department

What's your favorite thing to do on the weekends?
just chillin with villans

Are your passwords the same for everything?
yes they are

Anything you find creepy that others probably don't?
not really

What is something that makes you metaphorically feel sick?
yep...... agggggh

Do you think it's possible to be friends with someone you wanna be with?
it is possible, but very hard

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
absolutely!

When you say you don't care, do you mean it?
not all the time.....

Will you be single when spring comes around
no

Are you a heart breaker?
im not.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Just thinking about you gives me butterflies.
A year ago, i would have never imagined myself right here with you my dear =) But all the same i wanted it back then and i still want it now. No body has ever brought me so much happiness or satisfaction before. Or made me feel so safe like you do. I love how safe i feel when im around you. You really have no idea how perfect you are, in every single way. It would take years to describe how amazing you are.
But secretly i love how you dont realise how gorgeous you are inside and out and i love telling you so. I love how we came together without saying a single word. I love the person you are and the person you are aiming to become. I love how you'll hold my hand underneath the table or kiss my forehead. I love our little rituals and our plans for the future. I love how we both know what the other one is thinking and i love how i can be 100% honest and myself around you without the fear of being judged. I love talking on the phone till i fall alseep and i love how you always let me be the little spoon. I love the expressions you make when you are so happy and the way you screw up your face before you kiss me.
Nothing and no one else matters. As long as we are together and happy then thats all i care about. We will turn this "three person relationship" into two =)
You make me feel like the luckiest person in the world... And i am. I feel as if i am not good enough to be with somebody as amazing as you. I must have done something right.
The way i feel is so indescribable. I love you so very much. There isnt anybody else i'd rather be with. We all have to go through a few bad eggs to find a good one, and i found mine =)

You're all i want and all i need. You are everything.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

i love this more than the original

You can tell alot about a person by their iPod playlist.

Melissa, Ian Walsh
Pornstar, Amy Meredith
Memories, David Guetta
Up up and away, Kid Cudi
This is for keeps, The Spill Canvas
Sirens, Angels And Airwaves
Little Secrets, Passion Pit
Lil' Hipster Girl, LMFAO
Keeper, Yellowcard
Dinosaur, Kisschasy

Monday, March 8, 2010

I hate it when you crave for food you dont have.
Right now i am craving a stir fry. Capsicum, mushrooms, snow peas, carrots, brocilli and honey glazed noodles (with whichever meat, either chicken or beef, is available)!!!!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

We should have happened a long time ago. Mistakes that were makes and heartbreaks that took place shouldn't have happened. But i guess if we didnt make the mistakes or go through the heartbreak then we wouldn't be where we are now. The connection was always there, but i guess in the situations we were both in it was hard to realise our potential.
I can honestly say that no one has ever made me feel soo safe, happy, loved or adored like you do =)
I love love you so so much xx
Today when i was googling an article for my CFS assignment, i came across something really disturbing; websites that actually help people become, not thin, but anorexic. Anorexia nervosa is becoming lifestyle choice rather than an eating disorder. Having once been through something like this myself and watching one of my favorite people in the world go through it too, i can understand the presures of girls wantings to be "thin" and "beautiful". But starving yourself is not the way. And to find out that there are people in the world promoting Anorexia as a lifestyle choice; makes me sooo sick and disapointed. I cannot stress enough how strongly i feel about this. There are really really ill people out there who are going though this as a disease and then there are peole who chose it?
THIS IS A DISEASE YOU CAN DIE FROM AND YOU ARE CHOSING TO DO SO? This disease is a killer. There is no such thing as FAT. And, one of the most common reasons for teen weight loss is for somebody else; if you are loosing weight because of a guy then you are just unbelievably stupid. Most guys like curves in the right spots. Guys dont like skin and bones!!
There is nothing wrong with healthy eating and exercising, but doing it deliberately for the soul purpose to being thin (not Healthy but thin) is ridiculous.
Those people out there that are creating websites to help these obviously sick people suffering from Anorexia should seriously be arrested as they are participating in the death of soooooo many people. They call it "Pro Ana", how to become "Pro" and being anorexic.
Please dont feel guilty for eating a piece of cake or an extra biscuit because it will do nothing to your figure.
You are all beautiful and should be told so everyday!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Even in the presence of people, i used to feel some sort of emptiness; that something was missing. I would have all these ideas in my head of what to do right next time and what not to let happen again.
I used to feel stuck; like i'd never get rid of this emptiness.
I can't express how quickly that can change; one minute your cup is so empty that you feel as if it will never be full,then the next it is over-flowing with every emotion possible... And it feels good,to be in the presence of people, and to feel full?
It is the most amazing, mindblowing, loving, sensational feeling that they havent made a word for yet. And to find somebody who is beyond your highest dreams, who actually loves you back, to have everything you could ever ask for in a person and to know that you are with somebody like that, is truly something you dont want disapearing.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Take a look in the mirror. Who do you see?
Is it the person you want to be or is there someone else you were meant to be, but fell short of?
Is someone telling you, you cant? Or you wont?
Because you can.
Believe that love is out there
Believe that dreams come true everyday; because they do.
Sometimes happiness doesn't come from money or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and quiet nobility from leading a good life.
Believe that dreams come true everyday; because they do.
So take a look in the morrow and remind yourself to be happy because you deserve it...
Believe that.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Im getting to the point where i just dont care. This weekend, those who are closest to me have proven that they are true friends; those who have made the effort to me. I constantly put effort into people that dont seem to appreciate it.
And yet i still havent learnt my lesson. I still believe that in everybody there is goodness, even if you cant see it.
I dont care if you love me or hate me for whatever reason. It doesnt bother me at all. Its not worth my worry.
ps, im not liking this liquid diet, especially when you go to family dinners and your favorite foods are cooked and you cant eat any of it!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I've been reppin' Ray Bans since 1995.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I LOVE JERRY JACKSON!

Today at school Elle kept flicking me, so i kept slapping her.
Then we'd laugh and threaten the other person that if they flicked or slapped again, they'd get flicked or slapped.
And of course out of temptation, we both flicked and slapped eachother.
Love love.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Cameron Shepherd, you're beyond amazing :)
You're like the salad to my roll xxx

Monday, February 22, 2010

Love is my favorite; favorite topic, favorite emotion, favorite thing in the whole wide world. And what makes it appealing to me is that love has soooo many different meanings and expressions and feelings and abilities.
Love is getting lost and being found. With love, you dont need words. Love makes you cry tears without knowing why. Love has the power to create madness. The best way to show somebody you treally care about them is through love. You dont need fancy clothes or gorgeous jewlery or fast cars to express love. Love has no limits or expectations. With love you just know. There is no manual or instruction booklet. The difference to loving someone and to be loved is huge, because you can love someone and not get love back. To love and to be loved, and to give love and to recieve love. Love has no deffinition but means everything.
Love is phone calls just to say "hey" and the feeling you get when you have just layed eyes on the most beautiful, most amazing person to have walked this Earth.
Love is thinking "WOW!". Love is talking on the phone until your eye lids take over and falling asleep feeling so lucky, so content. Love is "how did i get here and get here with you?". Love is the constant butterflies and smiles when you think of her/him. Love is missing them every moment of everyday. Love is the most beautiful thing to ever experience.
Love is and means everything to me.
I think people use "LOL" wayy out of context.
lol.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances

Thursday, February 18, 2010

It is amazing how out of the 7 billion people on this world, it only takes one person to make you feel so loved, so special and most importantly so happy.
The complexity of people interest me.
The simplicity of people interest me.
The people interest me.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I love it how Phebz just knows somethings wrong and i dont have to say it. I love how she hugs me tight when im sad or upset, and i love how i can touch my elbows when i hug her.
I am her T-Bone, she is my Phoebe-Bo-Bebe.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I am so smitten.
It's true; you have to go through a few bad eggs to find a good one =)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Im feeling pretty content right now, which is unusual for me because i always will worry over the smallest and patheticness of things. Totally crushing over Kisschasy, Tegan and Sara, Vampire Weekend and falling back inlove with The Maine.
Im finally realising what i have ahead of me. The places to go and just everything.
Im 17 in less that two months, which scares me. 17 seems so much older than 16, even though its only one year, one plus 16. I am so excited for everything!
I am finally discovering who i am, and who i want to be, and it is totaly different than who/what i expected. The things i want in life are things i know will complete me and make me happy. I now know how i want my life to be and what i want to do with it.
So many changes are about to happen, more adventures to do with those that i love and by myself. More people to make happy and to make me happy. It is hard to express how good everything is going and going to be. How happy and fun and exciting everything is becoming.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

It'a good when you have no expectations in a person. It saves the disapointment and making yourself think you are the dickhead. It's easy breezy with expectations. But sometimes you cant help but expect atlest a little something, even if you promised yourself you wouldnt.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

I hate people fighting and arguing. It makes me really upset. It takes away my appetite and my happiness. I dont see the point or reason to yell and scream at people. Tonight when it happend, i just cried and cried in Grumps arms. And just thinking about it gets me upset.
Why do people say things in the heat of the moment just to upset the other person?
And what they dont realise is that they arent only hurting eachother, but those who have to witness it. People can be so selfish.

Friday, February 5, 2010

My family are known for being over the top. For my 16th birthday last year, my parents sent me, tors and aunty trace to Queensland. This year for toris 16th, our parents are sending us and aunty trace to Melbourne for a shopping trip. Tors and i cant wait to be cute in cold Melbourne with our beret hats, knee length coats and boots!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Today, Phoebe taught me how to "twiddle" my thumbs. Apparently i was doing it "the wrong way".
Thank God for Pheebus :)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Either i've stopped growing, or i'm shrinking. Once the tallest, now nearly the shortest. Everyone seems to be towering over me these days. Ty and Edyn are having growth spurts and are just leaving me down low. Not that i'm conplaining, i'm happy with my hight its just something i'm getting used to.
I'M SHRINKING!!!

Monday, February 1, 2010

I realised today that i will be alone this Valentines Day. Alone as in single. And i dont want to be alone. I want to experience Valentines Day!
Valentines Day wasnt ever a big holiday to me before, but once you experience it, it becomes one of the best days/best holidays.
How you can be cute and mushy and express how you really feel for somebody. Even though you should express how you feel everyday, but i just love how on Valentines Day it is expected. I love everything about Valentines Day. The flowers, the "i love you", "no, i love you" etc. Even though im not a corny person, i loved it on V Day. You have no idea how special you can feel in just one day.
If you are lucky enough to have a significant other, dont wait for Valentines Day to show and express how you feel towards your girlfriend/boyfriend. Do it everyday.. If you make your partner feel special, say nice things etc, then it will be reciprocated. Give and get in return.
So i will miss very much my Valentines Days.
Hello to mint choc chip ice cream, blabbering on the phone to Hanfan or Tam and watching romantic movies.

Friday, January 29, 2010

In a romantic fashion
I will experiment with my fear right before her eyes
And every smile that's unveiled will be soaked
In my nervous charm

Then I'll say
"Is everything alright?
There's been a few things I've been meaning
To let go of tonight"
And she will say
"Everything's just fine
So you can put an end to your worrying mind"
And then our lips will collide

The August sky will then bare witness
To a brand new chapter with torn up pages
When the planets align, I can feel the gates opening
To my courage
As I proceed to run my fingers through her hair
And forget everyone who's jaded, 'cause they don't matter
And I don't care

In a confident fashion
I will admit my deepest and darkest to her
And every gaze across the table
Will send my unsuspecting body into shock

Then I'll say
"Would you like to go inside?
And forget the world and the rules
By which we are to abide"
And she will say
"There's nothing I want more"
As we step into the room, turn off the lights and close the door

The August sky will then bare witness
To a brand new chapter with torn up pages
When the planets align, I can feel the gates opening
To my courage
As I proceed to run my fingers through her hair
And forget everyone who's jaded, 'cause they don't matter
And I don't care
No, 'cause they don't matter
And I don't care

Brash and hopeful
That my luck will not perish tonight
When the overcast tries to kill me
It's your slow motion rain
That falls warm on my neck that keep me alive

Brash and hopeful
That my luck won't perish tonight
And when the overcast tries to kill me
It's your slow motion rain
That falls warm on my neck that keep me alive

Brash and hopeful
That my luck will not perish tonight
And when the overcast tries to kill me
It's your slow motion rain
That falls warm on my neck that keep me alive

Consider this song a testament
Of my devotion to your sacharrine scent
And to be completely honest
You're not like all the rest
You're not like all the rest

Consider this song a testament
Of my devotion to your sacharrine scent
And to be completely honest
You're not like all the rest
You're not like all the rest
Oh no, you're not like all the rest
You're not like all the rest
You're not like all the rest

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Love Is.

In Elegance states that love is;
something that can not be understood until you experience it. It is a wild ride of emotions, a passionate affection for each other that fills your every thought and action, and also a crushing and life-altering experience that changes you forever. It is something we search for our whole lives, and our expectations are nothing short of perfect moments that you only find in movies.
You always expect him to say the right thing, to go that little bit further to show how much he cares. To kiss you at your worst and appreciate you to no ends at your best. For him to chase you when you run and for him to apologize when he has hurt you. You expect so much that you feel entirely and utterly defeated when something doesn't meet your hopes and expectations. But that's what keeps you hooked, the kiss at the end of every fight and him standing there afterwards telling you it only made you stronger. It does not have an exact beginning and it certainly has no end to those deeply in it.

When you have fallen, the people around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you are in love.
It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. What you don't learn until you experience it is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it, when we are so head over heels that nothing else matters, you put his own well being before your own.

It is feeling sick when you even think of him with someone else. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart, and your soul into the palms of another persons hands and said “Here. Do what you will. I am yours", praying that they will take care with it.

Love is about the fighting and the tears and all the uncertainty and knowing that at the end of the day, it will be worth it.
Love is forgiving the unforgiveable and burying your pain to be with him no matter how much you are hurting.
Love, for those in it, has no end, it stays with you forever.

But if one day he decides to walk away, love can shake the very core of who you are and damage your faith in believing again. It is an emotion that becomes so shattering and so unbearable that you struggle to breathe and stay above the water. The reality of him - your other half, the one you had so many cute names for and memories with, not being there anymore - when it hits it hits harder than a truck. You are left lost, breathless and so betrayed. If he promised he would never leave and did, who should you trust?
Love is the weight you loose, the sleep you will never get back, the nightmares when you eventually do, and the anxiety that leaves you gripping at your chest and falling to your knees, leaving you with nothing but emptiness. It is the desperation that aches in every corner of your body and the downpour of fallen dreams.
Love is the best and worst thing in the world, if you have it, hold onto it and never let it go. But not too tightly or you will suffocate it. Do not make that mistake or you will spend the rest of your life regretting it.

*
This is so true on so many different levels that it couldnt be worded more perfectly than it has been already. My favorite paragraph is this, which for those who know me, is pretty self explanatory;
Love is about the fighting and the tears and all the uncertainty and knowing that at the end of the day, it will be worth it.
Love is forgiving the unforgiveable and burying your pain to be with him no matter how much you are hurting.
Love, for those in it, has no end, it stays with you forever.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

i believe in true love.
i believe in love at first sight.
i believe love conquers all.
and that means there isnt going to be hard days or difficult things to deal with because there will be.
bbut finding that person who does it for you and knowing that that person loves you back, makes everything so much easier.
i read somewhere that you should never go to sleep angry, mad or upset. that your mind should be clear and your conscience honest. but what will happen if you do? will little gremlins come out and nibble on your toes, or do you just feel shit when waking up?
most of the time i go to bed feeling good. but i guess we all cant help but have a night or two when we feel crap and end our day feeling it.
for some reason, whenever i listen to the fray, i think. and i think and i think. and sometimes i say and do things that are completely "heat of the moment".
it is strange how music assists you in doing crazy things.

Monday, January 25, 2010

i love hopeless romance and the romantic stuff. im addicted to love stories and happy endings and guy gets girl and vise versa. i hate when im not in it. when i dont feel it. i just love how one person can make you the happiest and safest and prettiest and smartest you've ever been in your life. how out of 6 billion+ people, it can take only one to make you feel you. the real you. i have a love/hate relationship with certain movies because one; it gives you hope and two; your hope gets shattered and stepped on and shredded.
i just want real. real is good.
i fall in love everytime i here this song.

i dont like how people go back on their word. when they tell you something and then either go against it or just nothing at all. sometimes i think life would be eaiser with an instruction manual, then i think what fun and adventures would that bring?
yes life would be easier and simple but there would be no rollercoaster to ride on. no ups and downs, highs and lows.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

ps, bdo was pretty much the best day of my life to date.
it doesnt matter how many times we tell ourselves not to get high hopes or look too far into things, it becomes too late and all we are left with is disapointment.
we kick ourselves for not listening to ourselves and those around us that are so much wiser.
there is a difference in knowing someething and believing it.

Friday, January 22, 2010

other peoples happiness in relationships and romance and life in general, gives me happiness and hope. it makes me happy to know my nearest and dearest's are happy in looooove and it gives me hope that i will be too. i love hearing the stories and cute moments because i will one day be sharing the same stories.
good things do happen to good people and when you lest expect it, someone/thing good comes along.
i love how the universe works.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Guardian Angel would have to be equal first as favorite song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GuX-F08fwI

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

i listen to lullaby when i dont feel myself. i tend to just go for really long walks and come home and sleep. i have my bad days just like anybody else. i have days when i think and think and wonder and question everything; just like everyone else. i want perfection but how can i want something that just doesnt exist?

Monday, January 18, 2010

"The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn’t want to be held on to."- Anon
but hey, sucks to be the person not wanting to be held. atlest we have the power to love and to feel.
people have a major influnce in our lives, whether it be positive or negative. we are the peole we are today/have become today due to the people around us. they're influnces, opinions, personalities have had some part in the creation of our very own. people control our emotions and how we feel. when we feel failed or upset or happy or any emotion, it is usually the cause of somebody else.
this is good and bad. good because it is what has made us us and bad because of the way people make us feel/act/do negativelty.
but sometimes we have to think on our own and be our own person. although many people influnced who we are today, we need to be able to stand on our two feet, strongly and do what we need to do as people.
people have the power to make us feel, basically like shit. to make us feel like we have failed. it is up to us, the people who feel like this to turn the picture around and to tell ourselves that life gets better and that there are people who make us feel bad about ourselves, but there are also people who make us feel great and happy and alive too.
and it is these people that we need to keep closest.
sometimes life isnt fair. but you have to deal the hand you're given i suppose. when life gives you lemons, make lemonade right? well what if you want to make orange juice or apple juice? you cant.
sometimes life doesnt go the way you hoped/planned and things go sour. but its life, shit happens. you just have to remember the good things, good stuff, good times and it makes all the unfairness of the world small.
good things may come to those who wait, but waiting can take a long time.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

tamaracampbell.blogspot.com

love is such a bizaar thing. it has so many avenues, so many components. it can evoke so many different emotions in you. it can leave you feeling as sure as the sky is blue, and as vulnerable as it seems possible. it is so complex, and so stimulating, and so limitless. it has the ability to lift you up so high. so high that you can only see that other person. can only feel the nervous excitement in your stomach.
and once you know these feelings exist, that this can be achieved, it is all you want. and when you don't have it, you feel numb for a while, and then you feel nothing. nothing because you've fallen back to the ground, and it hurts.

love drives me.
'happy ever after' is my aim, because i know that if that is all i end up with, i will be so happy, because it can lift you higher than anything else can.


i love how tam is always right. once you have been in love, its all you want. you get so use and accustom to the feelings and emotions that when it's gone you cant help but feel a supermassive black hole. and it isnt naive to want a "happy ever after" or the "white picket fence". its something to work towards and to achieve.
i, for one, cant wait for the rest of my life.

Friday, January 15, 2010

currently loving/listening to a mixture of old and new;

its beautiful, eleventyseven
paralyzed, the used
emily, from first to last
all for you, the secret handshake
nothing can change that, the secret handshake
last song, the secret handshake
the voice, new empire
colours from black and white, new empire
come with me tonight, new empire
so far away, new empire
pony (its okay), erin mc carley
super massive black hole, muse
two, ryan adams
johny and june, heidi newfield
who says i cant get stoned, john mayer
lets get fucked up and die, motion city soundtrack
island, the x x
porn start, amy merideth
hollywood, art vs science
bella, stay
into your arms, the maine

Thursday, January 14, 2010

constant headaches and extreme tiredness consume my days lately.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

did something spontaneous today and got my nose pierced.

Monday, January 11, 2010

2010

New Years resolutions;
1) Maintain a positive attitude and outlook on life and live to the fullest.
2) Happy and healthy; looking after myself is something i that i really enjoy doing and will work harder this year.
3) Make more of an effort with friends/family/school/work etc.
4) Go after my desires.
5) Find a nice boy. Maybe this should be at the top of my list?

Friday, January 8, 2010

i think that anger and hatered is the most powerful, strongest emotion. i am feeling this right now. lie after lie after lie. when will it stop. i am so filled with anger and rage right now, thank god i dont have my license because who knows what i'll do.
hate is a strong powerful word i dont use oftern but that it was i am experiencing right now!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

i like cuddling and i like being little spoon. I like fun and i like serious. I like happy and i like humorous. I like exercising and i like pigging out. I like up late and i like sleeping in. I like going out and i like staying home. I like the rain and i like the sun. I like planned and i like spontaneous. I like intimate and i like playing. I like cooking and i like eating. I like meaningful and i like meaningless. I like how this means nothing or makes no sense to anyone else but me.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Years At Manning

right now i am up at manning point. soooo much fun. i hope you note the sarcasm. about to go and have drinks with mum because its just us. how much fun. mum and i getting our drink on. i think it its going to be hilarious. i love mumma kaz =)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

sometimes i find myself waiting. but i dont know what i am waiting for. i just hve this feeling of "waiting". my days are becoming more of a routine with waking up, going for a run, having breakfast, playing wii, myspace/blogger/facebook, 90210, chatting etc. maybe i'm waiting for change or something insipring or exciting to happen. maybe baby.

Monday, December 28, 2009

i have so much to say, i just dont know how. i dont even know if its something i want said out-loud because once it's said, there is no taking it back. but then it would be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders; a relief that i dont have to carry that around anymore. and atlest you'd know how i feel. i just dont want to seem too full on, that i've said how i really feel. but i know that what i have to say will change things. i know what the end result will be and i've played in my head this end result over and over again and it scares me. i'd rather keep it to myself than say what i think needs saying. i need to keep reserved, but this thing is eating away at me. i've tried writing it down, in hope that helps; and it did... for a while.
i find nights the worst because that its where i do most of my thinking. waking up this morning wasnt overly bad because i didnt think too much about it. but now it is getting to me. it worries me that this may effect everything.
i just have to get over it i guess.
some things are just better left unsaid.
is honesty really the key? being honest can make you feel better, but what if the person you are or wanting to be honest with doesnt like what you are being honest about, or doesnt feel the same way?
it takes strength and courage to be honest or to get something off your chest because, although it feels good, it can hurt. people hide their true feelings because they know how the other person feels. but the truth is eating away at them; that they cant fully express the way they are really feeling in fear of what the other person may think.
honesty is something people hide behind because it's safe. but is it really the best move?

Saturday, December 26, 2009

hurt is what comes with relationships. it is a given that it may end in hurt.
but that is the risk you take. relationships are and come with risks and you cant change that. every relationship has risks and chances and complications etc, and sometimes that is the fun part. the beauty of love is the fear that you wont fall. when going into a relationship or thinking about wanting one is scary because you dont want the hurt they may come with it. but it is or can be all worth it. worth the upset because, yes there may be sadness but there are more good things than bad. its just the bad things are what we think of more.
the hurt is worth it, if that is what it ends in. you learn.
every relationship comes with good and bad and hurt and happiness; you just have to be willing to put up with the good and the bad and the hurt and happiness.
you cant have just the good and happiness and not the bad or the hurt. disagreements are good in relationships. its healthy. just dont take it to an extreme or go into it too far. take it on the chin and move on!
so dont go into a relationship thinking "hmm, i dont know; this could end badly" because chances are it will. but its all worth it! dont doubt, just do.
because by doing, your chances of failure become smaller. yes they still will be there but the chances of success are there too.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Dont Know

What to do. Im so bored. Dont feel like tv, dont feel like music hunting, dont feel like finishing breaking dawn. Dont know what i feel like doing.
I want to go out, maybe for a drive or something. I want to have fun with great people. I want company because my family (although loving them) are driving me insane.
Cure me.

Maddie KTHX

I love this song. It's also great in acoustic.

Dreams

Some say that the last thought you think before sleeping will influence that nights dream. If that is the case, i have some very interesting, atmost strange thoughts before bed.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

FML's

love love LOVE! Them.
i read one tonight and it said; 'today was me and my boyfriends 5 year anniversary. I got him a new flat screen tv. He got me a toilet seat cover. FML'.
Ahahaha, love it

Monday, December 21, 2009

Complete And Total Adoration

I blogged the lyrics of this song a few weeks. This song is powerful to me and i love it.

Why Cant This Be Love by Van Halen

Tam is the absolute best for suggesting this to me. My flavor of the week song! I love the beat, makes me just want to get up and dance!!
Love love love LOVE!


Christmas

I dont feel excited. The novelty of it all isnt hitting me. It feels like any other week. It doesnt feel like "christmas" at the end of this week. Maybe its because im getting older. But even with younger brothers and sisters it still doesnt feel like it. Sure i'll get excited for them, but it doesnt fase me. The whole "giving" presents thing, i feel sort of guilty. Spend so much money for no real reason and mumma and da dont get anything themselves.
Even so, it will be a good day spending time with the families, good food, few drinks and a ton of fun!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

My Bucket List

So far i've got;
Road trip around Australia and Europe
Bungi jump in NZ
Join the "Mile High" club
Be a sheperd
Live in a thrid world country for a month, working in an orphanage
Travel absolutely everywhere
Spend over $1000 on a dress
Attend the "Running Of The Bulls" in Spain
Write a book
Design a fashion or jewlery label
Go on a game show

Friday, December 18, 2009

Cravings

Dispite my on going exercise and health kick i am really craving peanut m&m's and an m&m mc flurry. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, im even aking mumma kaz to take me to work early tomorrow morning so i can get a chocolate thick shake.
i've been a good girl so i think it is going to be okay to break the rules for one day? =)

Sometimes

sometimes i feel like i can do better; be better in so many different ways. i feel like i can be a better person, someone that one day another person will be proud of knowing. sometimes i fine it easy to control certain urges that i have, and sometimes i dont. i feel like something is missing. that there is apart of me that has a space that needs filling. but i just dont know what that filling is... not yet anyway. i hope to be the person that can look back on her life with a strong attitude and be proud of the person that she has become.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The sun is warm on my soft skin. The longer i sit here, the more my body tingles. The more intense i become. The more nerveous i am. My hand slides up and down my leg; smooth. The sun burns my skin to a nice brown and my hair to a light blonde. My iPod desides to play my favorite song and i now become content with myself. I am relaxed. I sit and wonder all sorts of things. I look back on how different i am a year ago. How happy i was then to how i am so now. But the happiness and so completely different. How things have changed. My life has changed. Im not sure if i miss how things used to be because that was a long time ago. Sometimes i wish i could change things and sometimes im glad with everything and the way things are. I know what i want. I just know it will all work out how it is supposed to.

enough to let me go.

enough to let me go, switchfoot
this is for keeps, the spill canvas
lullaby, the spill canvas
heartbreak scorsese, snob scrilla
mayday, the icarus account
maddie KTHX acoustic, STAY
she got it, vandalism
soft november, angelas dish
collide, howie day
iris, goo goo dolls
hold my hand, new found glory
lets go out, transmit now
take my hand, the cab

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

this is how i feel right this very minute, like i need to be saved from myself.

Truth Behind A Drunk.

Okay, so im sure we have all experenced a drunken phone call or seven before and speech is a tad slurred and the person on the other end of reciever talks and says things that im sure they arent supposed to say. But do you believe what people tell you when they are drunk? Do they remember it the next day and think "Shit, shouldnt have said that", or do they not remember at all?
I used to be one of the people who believed drunk people because i dont think they have they brain power to lie. Mastering a lie takes effort, and when you're drunk you dont really have that skill because your mind is everywhere else. As i said, i used to be the person to believe drunks, but now im not so sure... Even though you are the sober person; the one who has idea of what's going on and the one with the straight head on (i personally love being the sober person because i sometimes find it hilarious to hear what comes out of the drunks mouth) you wonder if they are saying what they are thinking/feeling or are they just saying because... Well just because.
Daniel and Julius told me last night from a guys perspective and guys who have been drunk, that they do tell the truth because it cant be controlled what they are saying or thinking.
So are guy drunks different to girl drunks?
Yes and no. I think girls definitely tell the truth, but some girls cant control their behavior. Who knows with guys, but they do control their behavior, but do they control what they say?
Sometimes we wish what they say are true.
Sometimes we wish they'd remember.
Sometimes we wish.

Monday, December 14, 2009

body clocks and eye masks.

My body clock is screwed. Last night i couldnt sleep as tired as i truly was, (maybe because of events that took place). I dont admire broken sleep or when you cant get to sleep and every bump in the night wakes up .The last time i glanced at the clock it was 4.44am. An awesome number but not when you wake up at 10am and cant get back to sleep. I trust my body clock on school days, always waking up without fail before my alarm goes off. But sometimes (times like these) i hate it. Im not tired but i know i will be when i have to go out tonight.
Recently i've been wearing eye masks to bed to stop me from waking me up when the sun cracks through my window every morning. It honestly really works too! I used to be scared that if i went to bed with an eye mask on, id think id have gone blind when i woke up because (obviously) my eyes would be dark. But i dont think im blind so BONUS!. but i dont know if it's the eye mask or something but it always creates curls in my hair. I blame it on the eye mask. Love it and the wonders it does!
Video Phone by Beyonce just came on and i like that song.... Youtube it my blog following children! I love music more than anything. I love the way it changes or creates moods.
At the moment, i dont know how to feel. Still in disbelief of what happened last night, wondering if they remember what happened; plans that were made and conversation that would have been said. I dont know how i am supposed to feel. Its numb. Its 'what do i do if he was lying' or ' i dont know if i can take dissapointment again because its too hard'.
I dont know... But my way of thinking is always positive so positivity should hopefully make everything right. I just cant take another dissapointment again. But im getting naive and ahead of myself. I believe that whatever happens so that way, i wont experience dissapointment..
Right now, im sitting in neutral.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

google.

seriously guys, how amazing is google? we all take it for granded, everyday/time we use it. we dont realise how smart it really is. the other day i typed in song lyrics to see what a particular song was called and boom! it was the correct song and everything. that was when i had an ephany on how smart and amazing google is.
wow!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

hanfan.

i love her. chats with her in her beautiful blue room are my favorite. She is my favorite. She is my hanfan.
tomorrow we are just chilling at hers; christmas cooking and weather depending, walking down to warners bay :)
She doesnt know im blogging this as we are chatting. Sneakyyyyy stuffff!
So rightcheous!!
Love you Hanfan xxx

Friday, December 4, 2009

Small

Today i feel really small, like short. I was going for a jog and all of a sudden, i felt really short and thintgs started to go really slow and long. It was so strange. Recently i've been craving banana bread and i have no ideas as to why. It's weird how we crave food or anything for that matter. But everywhere i went; there was banana bread. At boost, at Harris Farm Markets, even a sign about banana bread i saw when i was driving.
So i made some last night, but im picky with food so i was worried about my creation because i dont like to feel bits of banana as im eating. I want it all to be just all smashed up withy no banana bits.
And i was really yummy. Loved it =)
Tam came home from Bali yesterday, which was exciting. I missed her =)
So far, that is my Friday. Tonight i'm going with Tors to see Abbies dance concert so that should be really goooooood.
I am gay, goooooooooooooooooooooooooooodbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

An Evening With


Really loving this band at the moment.
http://www.myspace.com/aneveningwithband

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

When over is really "over".

How long is too long? It really isnt ever over. Okay so the relationship has died; thats over, but the memories etc aren't. They never will be.
And when is the right time to let go? Everyone is so different. Two weeks, two months, two years? How ever long it takes, how ever much time it takes to move on, is completely up to you. No ones imput is needed and is completely unnecessary.
And whether you decide to remain friends is too your own decision. For some it can be too hard to remain friends with someone who meant alot to you. To see them move on and take thoses first steps into a new relationship can be hard. And in that case, your "Over" is alot closer to "over" then those who remain friends. But remaining friends is also a way to still have the person. But do you still have feelings? If you still have feelings and are both still friends, it sort of gives you false hope of reconcile. So double heart break/ache.
But when you stop thinking about that person, stop thinking about a reconcile or reunion, its great!
You think for yourself and yourself only, even though you have departed a relationship from that person, you still feel like you have to think about them in what you do daily. It is the best feeling when over is as "Over" as it can be.
Life begins again!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

i could be addicted to you.

Addicted To You, Last November.
Brings back the best and worst of memories. Thankyou iPod shuffle.

30th November/ 1st December

Wow, what a night! The formal was absolutely unbelieveable. Nothing like i'd ever think it would be. In a way im glad my expectations weren't high because that would have been disapointing. The weather didnt really go the way i first hoped, and they say that rain on your wedding day is good luck, but what about your formal day? What luck does that bring you to future schooling years? Hopefully good as well.
I can safely say that i like my meat charcoal. The steak was bleeding red and deffinitily not a fan of medium/rare anymore. Everyone looked absolutely amazing and honestly i dont think there should be a "Belle Of The Ball" because everybody looked stunning.
Living on three hours sleep isnt usually good but it is with Kate, Jess, Phebz and Hanfan. My god, when you have Kate, there is never a dull moment to be had. Everything that comes out of her mouth is so hilarious that we would all cry with laughter!
But the sad thing is it's all over.... Year 10 is over. And i know year 12's and past year 12's will say that year 10 is nothing, well it was something to me.
Gosh, i really cant believe that months of planning one day can feel so empty the next.
I guess there is Christmas to look forward to.
Cameron is an amazing dancer, i must say (with or without music).
Vote for us in "So You Think We Can Dance" next year, because we both think we can =)
Formal photos will be up on both myspace and facebook within the next few days.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

tam c

im missing our hour long conversations that start with our boy troubles, problems, theorys and opinions and ending with talks about which food we like and dont like and how it takes us half and hour to say goodbye to eachother.
Im missing random text messages with song suggestions.
Cant wait to have you home because i miss you, your way of understanding me like know one else can and your gayness that makes me feel normal. Come home safe!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Elles Crunchy Nut Cluster.

Elle came over after Grad on Wednesday and discovered she had a series of mozzie biteson her back really close together. When we were just being so amazing in my room, talking, laughing etc she announced that her mozzie bites are like "Kellogs Crunchy Nut Clusters".
And i can tell you now, it was the funniest thing ever! I love how Elle is random and open and honest like me. There are only few people that i can just sit in my room with, sitting on my bed or their bed, just talking for hours and hours and not get bored or anything. Elle happens to be one of those amazing people. And those people know who they are =)
I will blog about you guys very soon too.
Seriously, Elle is such a strong person. I look up to her in so many ways.
I adore her to the millionth degree
xx

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step that you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But will never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, Cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish i would have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm just sorry that it wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember these things i've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess i've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause i'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?


(Im blogging about Elle tomorrow because it's late now and i keep my promises)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

"ily", " i luv you" and "i love you".

To me, there is a massive difference between all of those.
It annoys me when people say "ily" because to me, if you cant say the whole word, then you honestly dont mean it and chose not to mean it, which is fine but i think ily is just a waste of writing space.
"I luv you" is pretty much the same. People dont say "i luv you" anymore because it has been taken over by the famous 'ily". "Ily" and "i luv you" are extremely similar and dont really mean anything to anyone.
"I love you" is strong. Those words should only be said when they are meant and are expressed towards a person. You can love family and love friends but im referencing this phrase to relationships. You can have strong feelings for somebody, but is it love or lust? It takes a while to define the two but you just know. But then again, what about love at first sight? You know in yourself how you feel for somebody, and when those feelings are real and arent going away, thats when you know. You as a person just know. And that is when "i love you" should be said. When you feel and mean it. Dont joke around with it.
It comes back to Tams saying "Say what you mean and mean what you say". And how true that saying is. I agree 100% with it. Love it such a beautiful, fun, amazing thing to feel and experience.
"I love you" are strong words, words that mean alot to both sexes.

I Wish

(I plan on doing two blogs this evening so beware)
i wish i was important to somebody. like money is important and the same with food and water. i wish i was a priority, not so much a high priority but close to it.
being a high priority isnt being high maintenance or need, its being wanted without asking to be wanted. its the fact of feeling so special, so loved and amazing.
there isnt anything much better than feeling that you are just as important as money or food and water.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wicked

Wicked was WICKED! Such a play on words i know but it made everyone laugh. My job done :)
Seriously in love with millsy! My god he is gorgeous! It was great to see the drama girls again (minus MP), ive truly missed them. Us girls all got 'wicked' marg cups, which flash!! God how much i love those girls. There is seriously never a dull moment when in the company of those amazing people!! The musical really wasnt all that bad.....
But this experience has made me very aware that i am not a musical person.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I'm Happy

I'm really happy at the moment, and actually i've been happy for a really long time. I love the feeling of being content and at peace. It is so lovely. No more stresses in life. Everything is so beautiful and great.
Life is great!
The people in my life are great!
I just hope it stays this way.
Im scared that i wont be happy for long. That something will happen to chance this. Sometimes im just great; fantastic even. Then i listen to a song that, for some reason, makes me want to cry. And it is absolutely random and i never end up crying, it's just my mood changed so quickly. And it only really lasts a few minutes, then im back to myself.
But life is so great!

Tuesday

Tuesdays are very strange days of the week. they either go really fast or really slow and tuesdays are the days of the week that make sense. that plans for the weekend happen and are made and tuesdays are the days that we think how excited we are for the weekend.
I kind of like tuesdays.
and i kind of like "step up" by angelas dish =)
i decided last night before bed that i am no longer looking for this nice boy. i have decided that if its meant to be; if im meant to find this nice boy, it will happen. and that i have to step back for a minute and just relax, take it easy. i have to stop trying to fill the hole i have and enjoy everything. and if a nice boy comes along then saaa-weeeeet, if not then i am still lucky. lucky to have the friends and family i have been blessed with.
so there, no more sole searching from me... for now

Monday, November 16, 2009

Nice Boy

If you are out there, please come and find me!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

summer and psychic abilities

the smell of aeroguard reminds me so much of summer. and so does the conducted aircon. i love the smell of summer and the feeling it has on me. i love it!
i think im psychic. well sort of. i can guess when things are going to happen. like just before i had a weird feeling i was going to get a myspace message, and surely enough i did, and from someone i would have never expected.
strange.
and i can also feel peoples presence in rooms that i am alone in. at night when im sleeping i feel like someone is in my room with me, like mum checking in or something. but no one, just me.
im not afraid because i think its my grams or my nanny or anyone close to me that isnt here anymore so it isnt frightening by any means.
so maybe i have some ability. i should have my own ghost whisperers!!

Friday, November 13, 2009

All Over Red Rover

YEAR 10 OVER AND DONE!
Cant believe how fast this year has gone.
I remember the begining of the year and thinking this day would never come. But it has and there are so many things so be excited about! With the formal in two and a half weeks and christmas in less than two months im so excited!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Phebz just messaged me saying that to the formal we should go in on ride-on-mowers but go though maccas drive thru first.
She is an ideas woman and i LOVE her thinking!
xxx

Thursday, November 12, 2009

two years yesterday



two years yesterday i was in a motorbike accident which resulted with me in bandages for four months, two beautiful scars scars and missing out on summer that year.
i find it really strange because when i had my accident it was 11.00am on the 11th of november.
freakkkkkkay!
just thought i'd share something with you guys.
and im sorry i haventblogged in ages.
just loving no school and hanging with the girls!
xxxx

Friday, November 6, 2009

if it means alot to you.

Im sitting in the hotel room in my skinny jeans, an over sized light blue jumper and under that; a white singlet. My feet are a little cold since the window is open and its freezing. Mum, dad and edyn are sleeping and ty and bree are down at pizza hut. Ty and Bree are really cute together and sometimes a jealous because i want what they have.
So basically im alone in the room, listening to 'if it means alot to you' by a Day To Remember and im thinking. I hate being alone because whenever i am, i think about alot of things that i dont want to think about. I dont like thinking about 'him' or the fact i am really alone, or how this songs makes me think of guy misses girl and girl misses guy and in the end, they are together and happy. I am happy, honeslty. But somewhere there is a hole that needs filling. Somewhere thhere is this empty spot that shouldnt be empty. So here i am; alone in my skinny jeans and an oversized jumper with cold feet, listening to 'it it means alot to you' by a day to remember, thinking about things i shouldnt be thinking about because it doesnt make me the happiest i could be. I am ha

Thursday, November 5, 2009

polygraphy, right now!

Do guys know what their intentions are with girls? And in some cases, vice versa. Do they know the effect particular words have on the good, nice girls? How much those words mean to us? Sometimes i think not. Sometimes i think guys subconciously they know that if they say certain things, they will get the girl. What they dont realise is that not only to they get the girl, they get her with high hopes; false high hopes. Subcounciously, guys know what the right thing to say is. But do they actually want the girl or are they looking for some fun; time fillers. It's like a game and guys are best players. And sometimes certain skanky, sex crazed girls like to play too, but they play the good decent guys that the nice girls dream of. This universe is so unbalanced. Good girls need good guys and the others can just go and screw eachother over.
Girls are the game that boys love to play.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

After the afternoon.

By jason mraz incase you were wondering, but my favorite song from him is "Beautiful Mess".
I want the butterfly feeling back. The nervousness to make the first move, The cute late night phone calls and text messages, the "listen to this song, it reminds me of you"; everything. I want it back because i know it will be different. I miss it. I miss feeling safe and feeling close. I miss the airport hugs when you havent seen eachother for 30 mins. I miss the laughter and the comfort. I miss the "lucky" feeling.
But this time it will be different because i know. I know what to do and what not to do. I am more aware and more careful then i was before. I have the knowledge and the way i can make my next relationship go right.
The next time i have these feelings i will know how to handle it. This next relationship (whenever it may be) will be bigger and better then the previous because of the knowledge we gained.
Knowledge is a powerful thing.

Out.

I want to go out. I want to go somewhere and have a great time with great people.
Im sick of being at home, so i'd like to go out please.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

looking

>
For a boy with nice hair, amazing eyes, gorgeous smile, broard shoulders, nice back, great personality, how has the ability to make me smile, will hold my hand and let me be the little spoon.
come out, come out where ever you are!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Roller Coaster.


It is extremely obvious that relationships are no smooth sail. They are completely the opposite. How do relationships jsut stop? How do you fall out of love with somebody who you once cared deeply fall? Where does it all start to go wrong?
There are so many questions to the topic of love and no answer sheets are ever handed out.

I see love as such a beautiful and amazing feeling to ever experience. It's all about risks and excitement and going with your heart instead of your head!

I see past the outter beauty; the mask and into the depth of inner beauty, the true person on the inside. When love comes around (and it does take time to go from "like" to "love") it's something you never want to leave.
And sometimes sadly, it does.

Somewhere along the line, some chemical reaction goes off in (whomever is the heartbreaker; boy or girl) their head and they just "decide" that enough is enough.
But i think that if you truly love someone, the "real deal" of love, and if you truly care for them then there is no reason to go your seperate ways.
No distance, no fight, no nothing is worth it is you really do love and care for him/her.

Its a roller coaster we will all experience; and i'd rather ride the roller coaster of ups and downs, love and loss and experience, to have never ridden at all.

Monday, October 26, 2009

going fishing!

How come there seem to be no decent guys out there?
How come guys think it's okay to play girls and mess them around? And by girls i mean decent good girls that in every way would make a perfect girlfriend? And most importantly, do guys think that they can get away with it?
I'm not liking how disppointing romantic relationships are becoming. Not just for me but for 99% of people who i've been talking to. And the decent guys out there get messed around by skanky, chlamydia infested girls.
The universe is soo imbalanced. I get so upset when girls tell me of their unfortunate encounters and experience with dickhead guys and how they mess girls around so bad.

Most guys have soo much confidence in getting girls that when they "have" the girl, they forget how to keep her around. And half the time, why they wanted her in the first place.
They want to be appreciated and loved. They want to be told cute things and be held really tight. They want to be the little spoon and be commented on how beautiful they look or how their hair smells nice.
But over all, girls just want to be wanted. That's it really.

WHERE ARE ALL THE DECENT GUYS OUT THERE!?
I'm going fishing, so the saying goes and i hope i catch a good one!

The Spill Canvas

My favorite songs by The Spill Canvas... Just incase you guys were wondering and all =)

*Lullaby
*3685
*One Thing Is For Sure
*All Hail The Heartbreaker
*This Is For Keeps
*So Much
*Polygraph! Right Now!
*The Tide
*Connect The Dots

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I Miss You



I hate being away from dad for so long. I havent seem him in, what would be, months now (due to him being away with work) and i miss the tight squeezes and sloppy kisses he would give me. I miss how he would let me do my own thing and understand why i loved my space; being in my room with my music on loud, when even i dont. I miss how we would call eachother gay names like "pumpkin" and "scumpican". And i miss how when he would be getting ready for work, and he had to wear, what looked like a black, tight body suit, and do this overly hilarious ninja dance and prance around the house like a spy.
There is no telling on when he will be home. Could be tomorrow, could be in two months time. Yes, there is skype and the phone but it isnt the same. Dad understands a part of me that no one else does. He is so quiet and will never say anything that isnt relivent to the conversation. The silence dad brings is the best noise in the world.
He is critical on my driving and beknowns to him how i will ever get my P's.
And the smile he presents on his face when a thought or idea arises in his head.
I love that smile.
I love that squeezy hug and sloppy kisses.
I love my dad.

I miss my dad and i'm not afraid to say so.