Yet again i feel like i have failed. That feeling of not feeling good enough for people seems to like my company as it returns every now and then to remind myself of how bad i can really feel. The only thing i wanted was for the past not to repeat itself. New relationship, new rules, and the most important; no more lost friendships. But i guess sometimes the things we dont want or expect happen. A prime example of how life can be. The people that you once trusted, respected and loved most in the world just leave.
People always leave..
Even though this time it's not my fault, even though this time i know that i tried my hardest and put in the effort when said persons clearly didn't, i still blame myself for the death of this friendship. I will always blame myself for everything, even when i know it wasnt my fault. I blame myself for the simple reason that i could have done something. Something to stop or change what was happening. Stop or change you from walking away like alot of people have done in the past year. But what is most upsetting is that one; i didnt expect the people to leave, to ever leave and two; how come? How come im not good enough for you to stay? How come im not good enough for you to try and put the time and effort into our friendship? How come im not important to you?
These are a few questions that circle my mind. I just want to know why im not good enough. I just want to know why my efforts have failed again. And you may think that its all okay, but it's not. And you may think that this friendship is good, but it's not. And you may think you're in the right, but you're wrong. You didnt try, i did.
But these people (who shall remain nameless) have made me realise what true friendship is and who my true friends are. They have made me respect and cherish my true friendships a whole lot more and to not take them for granted.
I may have lost a few people (many of those people who are insignificant to me) but i have also gained and made my true friendships stronger.